fire_at_twilight

Another too much information post, this is in hopes of making me eat better and exercise more. So we will start at the beginning. I am 5’3 and weigh about 141 lb’s. I did weigh 153, so this is an improvement. I have hardly been eating the past month, but the weight will not budge. I no longer have a muffin top, I have a collapsed souffle top.

This totally grosses me out and makes me want to cry when I have to circulate the same clothing to wear and I have a closet full of clothing sitting there.

I have not sewn in months and the house is a mess.

So…I am going to try to add one more self depreciating blog to the web.

Day one:
Al la Bridget Jones
Weight: 143
Eaten so far today, breakfast burrito, bagel and a cappucino
Sewn: Nothing
Doing something other than work: Certainly
Spelling: sucks
Exercise: None to speak of, but the day is young

Day 46, still no job, though one of my applications have been read. The morning did not start off well. I am cranky and understand why the rats and mice that have to live cooped up together in cages go crazy and eat their own tails. I myself have started to think about eating my fingers, not because they taste good, just becasue I am tired of banging my head.

I wish I could make my family understand the absolute suckiness of moving to a new place and having NOTHING, no job, no school, NOTHING. It sucks, sucks, sucks. My whole life right now revolves around everyone elses schedule. I want my schedule!

On that note, I do not think I have it in me to be a stay at home mom if there is not a lot of disposible income available. Why would I want to stay at home if all I can afford to do is laundry and cook. Now if there is enough money to go to the gym, the store, buy books, get my nails done… You know what that sounds pretty damn sucky too.

Right now the highlight of my morning is hoping for Lady GaGa’s Paparazzi video to show, it is usually sanwiched between crappy Sean John featuring Little Wayne and some mopey “Hey I am cool, look at my hair” band.

Day 45 and no job. I am starting to go a little, alright a lot of crazy. I have applied for about 13 admin jobs. You would think someone wants a secretary. I am thinking about applying for a job at the coffee shop I like to go to in the mornings, The Olive Branch,they are hiring.

I love working, I love having a job, I love knowing I contribute income to the household.

Now…we are getting ready to move into our new home. This is our first home not provided by the government. I have fantasies about staying at home, baking, cleaning, gardening. I think that requires money though doesn’t it? I want to ask all these other young, unemployed spouses, how do you maintain a shopping, fix the house lifestyle on a fixed income? I have feeling it was something to do with credit.

I am super tired of HGTV. Maybe I can get them to come and do up our house.

So which do I want? House manager, office manager? It looks like it will be house manager for a while. Now I need to find out how these house mangers stay happy because I think it will be novel for a few weeks and then I am going to need drugs.

More to do and more to do. We are down to the crucnh and I am still twirked about trying to get stuff done. There are several families on there way out to the same place we are going and one of them is already saying crap about the town.

I know my home town can suck, but at least give it a chance. Another person was going on and on about the “special events” in the area. I think our special events rock, aliens are awesome and the A bomb had to be tested somewhere.

Brace yourselves folks. For those of you who are devout (or superstitious) Christians you might want to turn away now, I just told my son I would not take him to church tomorrow. He came in, “Mom, what are we doing to tomorrow?” Me, “I don’t know, why?” Him, “Can we go to church?” Me, “…No…” Him, “You don’t like church do you?” Me, “No I do not, but I will take you next week.”

I will take him, I just really hate sitting in church. Someone almost always preaches or says something I disagree with and I know this is no different than the real world, but because it is religious or moral opinion being spoken or by the mouth of god I am supposed to not disagree and sit there and smile. At least in the real world if someone says something I disagree with I can start a dialogue. I have started a few dialogues with god, but no answers yet.

The pets are one their way to my brother in law and sister in law (THANK YOU!)  I woke up at 345 am.  Got the animals loaded up.  Drove to Rome for 3.5 hours.  Got there early.  Got into the cargo area, only to have the inspection vet tell me that the dog’s kennel was to small.

I am in Rome, 3.5 hours away from anywhere I am familiar with and I do not have a GPS.  What am I supposed to do?  Thankfully the cargo company, http://www.boccaneraperazzoli.com, where awesome. They were the one group of people who actually knew what they were doing.

Well as of 1320 Texas time my family will have our cat and dog. Then the pain starts again. The family has to run around to two separate buildings several times before they can even get the animals and pay $35.

I did call Amsterdam KLM last night and they were taking good care of our pets and it sounds like everything was straight.

Well, I think I am done with this. I am tired of feeling like a failure in the mom department and then feeling like a failure in the spouse department, then feeling like a failure of a human being. I am tired of not being able to stop crying right now. I am tired of trying to be good and failing so miserably at it that I decide to take others down with me.

I am angry that NO ONE listened to me. I am angry that I did NOT LISTEN to myself. And where are we now? Trying to raise a kid that hurts my husband’s feelings on a near daily basis. Then the husband is a shit and big fat baby. Then I get bitchy. We should have NEVER, NEVER adopted until we had a plan for all the bad stuff. And I was accused of being the wet blanket because I wanted to know what are we going to do when A happens, what are we going to do when B happens? And now…what are we going to do? Because I am about ready to quite.

I cannot decide which makes me angrier? That I caved or that I believed the people that said we could do this thing and how great we would be for this kid and instead I think we are screwing his head up even more and I think it will get worse because I do not want to do it any more.

Who would have thought it would require the Pope’s blessing to get your animal out of the country. Here is a timeline of events…
1. May something or other I start calling airlines, how do I ship my pets as cargo to the US? After many phone conversations in broken Italian and broken English I give up, only for about a week and a half. I start again and find an answer, ship as cargo and there are a ton of things to get done.

2. First thing to do…Animals need current rabies vaccination, at least 30 days old and no more than a year old. Last shot was in 2007 because you do not need a rabies vaccination here, because they have no rabies.

3. Shots are administered on the 11th of June.

4. Pets now need pet passport, which is a trial in itself. The instructions given by a local American Agency are BULL SHIT!! Step one, your pet must be chipped, the chip must be regsitered in Italy. Dog was chipped in Jan 08. The AMERICAN vet told me that the chip was registered. Not so, the chip is not registered. In the lovely world of Italian beauracracy you have to take the pet to the pound to have the chip read, you then have to take the document to the ASL (sanitation dept) and then wait five days to get the pet passport, which can not be done till at least 21 days have passed for the rabies vaccination. That puts me at 13 July for the the 30 day issue which is required for the rabies vaccination and the health certificate.

5. Get everything settled, pets will fly out on the 27th of July, after 17 emails to the shipper.

6. Go to pick up vet paperwork and schedule Health Certificate appoinment for the 23rd.

7. Get email saying we cannot ship pets to requested destination. Proceed to imagine ripping some one’s throat out with my teeth.

8. Can ship pets to alternate destination, good to go, verify health assessment. ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT THE HEALTH CERTIFICATE CAN ONLY BE ISSUED BY A HEALTH DEPARTMENT VET!

I have three days to get it all done so that I can ship my animals on the 27th or 28th of July.

Now…on the homefront. Car has been destroyed. Borrowed girl friend’s car, put wrong gas in it.

Blew husband’s birthday.

Kid cannot stop lying.

Dog and cat have decided peeing or shitting is a great way to get my attention.

Have I mentioned that we are moving back to my hometown…That will be another blog.

Good afternoon…
For those who do not know me, I live in Italy. I will be departing soon for the US and I am terrified to go back.

Once I am back I think I am going to attempt to document all my assimilation faux paus. I am euro trash now and quite all right with that.